Things I do in the car

Since passing my driving test at the rip old age of 22, I have’t been without a car for any length of time. As soon as I passed the horrendous test, my legs soaked in my own sweat, I was nipping about in a faded, red Corsa. The car leaked when it rained and I tore the arse out of the exhaust but it served me well.

Now, as a slightly older adult, I pay finance on the most beautiful duck egg blue Mini you’ve ever seen. She’s such a doll.

bus wankers

Speaking of which, like most drivers, I carry out many ridiculous tasks whilst in the car I’d never normally do. These include, yet are not limited to:

  1. Scratch my nose. LOL nah I totally don’t do that… When there’s no car in directly in front who can spy through their rear view mirror or anyone to the left or right of me at traffic lights. It’s not picking it! No finger goes up! Forever an itchy nose and all that 😉
  2. Fix my tights. MAN! If you ever see me at the traffic lights and I’m slumped a little behind the wheel wriggling wildly, I’m yanking my tights up ensuring the waistband fits snuggly under my bra. I’m not joking.
  3. Think of the catty comments I’d have said if I were back at school with the confidence and more chiseled jaw I have now. Speaking of which, one of the school nasty girls was at a fair I was working at over the weekend. Needless to say I did not offer her a free magazine.
  4. Perfect my singing voice. I took higher music and passed with an A and voice was one of my instruments. None of this training has remained and I can barely catch my breath belting out a rendition of ‘I want to want me’ by Jason Derulo.
  5. Slyly side eye glance at people who have also stopped at traffic lights. Ha OOPS, eye contact! Wow, these lights have been red forever. I think I’ll duck down and sort out this fan. Is it getting hot in here or is it just me? Wooft!

One thing I will never EVER do is eat alone whilst driving. What if I choke? There’s no one there to save me! Imagine what the police would find when they opened the door with Taylor Swift’s 1989 on repeat?

I swear I’m not picking my nose!


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